is your mom at the bar?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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