I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
