So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
