Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
