I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
