with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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