There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pants are for mortals
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
