its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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