Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
