dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
