Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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