Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
