Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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