I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize