i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
