Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
