So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
