why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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