I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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