I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
