was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
