I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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