If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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