The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
