I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i was born a porn star she said
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
