There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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