If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
