found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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