you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
