I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize