I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
