So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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