Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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