chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
