Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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