I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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