ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
