He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
