Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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