i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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