what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
