8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot