Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time