WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.