well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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