im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
