Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
