It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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