I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
