There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
