You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize