I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
