When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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