When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
