just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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