why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
