We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
