I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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