remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
