So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
