I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
