brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
