yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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