i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
