She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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