Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
