one two three fourrrrnication!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
