Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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