I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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