im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got chris browned last night
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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