My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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