he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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