i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
whose parrot is this?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Randomize
