hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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