I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
