K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize